Healthy Holiday Boundaries: Managing Your Wellbeing During the Season
Healthy Holiday Boundaries
Managing Your Wellbeing During the Season
It's November, and we're full-on in the launch of the holiday season. Whether you celebrate any or many holidays, it's hard not to be aware. We have internal and external signals about our feelings and preferences. Many articles identify the 3, 5, or 7 ways to survive or thrive during the six or so weeks of activities. I don't have magic numbers, but I can share ideas of how to honor and care for yourself.
It's still National Family Caregiver Month, so let's talk about your Thanksgiving. Holidays can be a sensitive time for caregivers. It can highlight the changes you're experiencing in your life. The images of a perfect table, food, and charming family may not match your reality. Yours might look a little more like National Lampoon's Christmas--translatable to any holiday.
Often we go into holidays or gatherings on autopilot. We respond to tradition, nostalgia, and rigidity about what came before. What caregivers know is that life also flows with experimentation, memories, and flexibility.
What's also helpful are boundaries. Boundaries are more common in our modern lexicon than ten or twenty years ago. They expand our understanding of relationships beyond "good manners." They take into account our physical, energy, emotional, mental, and spiritual natures. So how do healthy holiday boundaries appear?
In recent talks with two caregiver groups, I found it looked as individual as the members. Similar stories emerged of concerns about health, family "land mines," and changes in their roles. They shared possible solutions and supported one another. There was no magic number. What we settled on was having healthy boundaries.
First, decide what's possible for you this year. Next year is unknown, so staying in the present is helpful. Asking yourself these questions:
What is my intention for a holiday? What would feel meaningful?
How can I contribute? If you've hosted in the past, this could be a year to step back from that role. You can also invite others to help with home preparations, cooking, and cleaning up.
Do I bring my care recipient or come alone? If you're a guest, the venue might not be accessible. Can you get help for a few hours to get away or help with bringing my loved one? Does either option feel better to you?
How much energy do I have for gatherings? Are they energizing or depleting for me? Create a flexible plan for staying or keeping it brief.
What do I want to share? Do I want to talk about caregiving? Is this a time for a break and some fresh conversation? How do we avoid toxic subjects?
If you are experiencing loss and grief, is there a way to honor someone who isn't present?
How and when will you get rest?
Whose company do you enjoy? Who makes you laugh? Sit next to them!
Holidays with family or friends can be joyful, fun, and loving. They also stress tradition, memories, hopes, and dreams. We all have our capacities, capabilities, and preferences. Knowing our boundaries helps us merge with others to have a healthier holiday.