Who do you trust to bring the right underwear?
"Could you bring me my underwear?"
Okay, this is not what you think it is.
I was giving my husband a list of things I needed him to bring to the hospital before I went home that day. Underwear, makeup (not to scare anyone as I left the building), toiletries, and a hat. I arrived in yoga pants which was handy since I was full of fluids from IV's. The sloshing of my legs when I walked was semi-horrifying. Stretchy clothing was essential. It was a caregiving moment only this time I was the one on the receiving end.
I've been a caregiver several times and I expect to be one in the future. One thing caregiving has taught me is that preparation is helpful at keeping some of the stress at bay. I've had times when I could see caregiving on the horizon. Other times have been on the receiving end of a phone call and I spring into action.
Organizing my underwear drawer reminded me of that day. My sense of comfort and control would be semi-restored by having familiar items. The nurse laughed as she listened to us and recalled the items she'd seen husbands bring their wives. We can't expect others to read our minds so preparation can reduce some less helpful choices.
But, this is not about husband-bashing.
It's about helping people prepare to care. Creating a plan that identifies who is available and what tasks they can do is a start. The when, why, and how to adjust along the way. Caregiving requires flexibility.
Laundry was one way I could keep my Dad comfortable.
I couldn't ease his breathing or help him transfer when he became too weak to go home. Every day after work I stopped by the care facility and took his clothes home to launder. In the morning I returned with fresh items. His things stayed safe and gave him a measure of security. I made sure he had his favorite things to wear. It brought comfort and control to both of us during uncertain times.
I had a bit less success at other times.
Caring for my sister-in-law was a long-distance surprise. We arrived not knowing where she lived, what she had, or what she needed. We put together a plan for her estate, finances, medical care, and her home. I have to tell you, finding her the right underwear was a big challenge by comparison. Nothing was quite right or felt comfortable. Yet, it was important and we achieved a measure of success.
Does someone know what underwear you want?
Substitute any intimate topic here. It could be your bank PIN number to take care of finances. Who can care for your pet? What are your health care preferences? There are so many questions and as many answers.
Get your underwear organized. If you need help getting prepared to care, book a call.
Caregiving can be a challenging time.
Grab my “Getting Your Docs In A Row” checklist to help you prepare to care.