Care and Give are four-letter words.
I grew up with the awareness I should avoid certain four-letter words. I don't need to spell them out here, but I have added some to the list over time.
For example, the "B"-word. Busy. When I was caregiving for my dad many years ago, I often longed for a little more help or support for him. I worked full-time, had a family, and book-ended my days with visits to his hospital room or care facility. It wasn't for me, but I wanted others to make time for him as well. He needed that.
When I asked family for help, I received vague promises but cautions of how “busy” they were. In the ensuing years, I've all but abolished this word from my vocabulary. We all have the same 24 hours in a day, and it’s the choices we make in how we use them.
Caregivers often avoid other four-letter words. Some that come to mind are: Need, Self, Care, Full, Help, Team, Talk, and Prep.
Need: This word has two meanings that may offer opposing energies. One definition is "obligation." A second meaning is "a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful." Caregivers often feel an obligation to care, regardless of capacity or capability. Requesting to have our needs met is valid and necessary. It supports the interests of both the care recipient and caregiver. A need can include legal and medical information, resources, education, and respite.
Self-Care is a familiar term. Putting a focus on the caregiver is justifiable. A depleted caregiver doesn't serve the needs of a care recipient. Self-Care goes beyond suggestions to take a day off, take a bath, go to a spa. Those are all good ideas, but not always practical or what a caregiver needs.
I would expand the concept to be Self-Full. A Self-Full caregiver identifies their needs and asks for help. Help can arrive in the form of a team who assess the situation, talk about solutions, and prepare everyone for the changes in life for everyone involved.
Some four-letter words add value to our lives. They acknowledge the inherent dignity and worth in caregiving. Let's use them often, so they become the rule, not the exception.
Caregiving can be a challenging time.
Grab my “Getting Your Docs In A Row” checklist to help you prepare to care.